Are All Male on Male Sexual Assaults, Commited by Gay Participants? (A Discussion, to Possibly Aid In Healing).

Hello, and Thank You, in advance, for coming and showing some interest in the subject matter; of which is addressed, here on my blogs.   The other day I addressed some statistics, concerning male victimization, in the act of Rape, Male Sexual Assaults in the Military.   Now, as you probably can see, this video was produced and posted on as recent as September 14, 2014; If I read it correctly.

The statistics that are described and disclosed here, are not anything that surprises me., However, they are much more in number of reported cases, which brought these statistics into the light.  There is, on the other hand the most chilling reality; is these statistic are not complete or completely accurate.  Why?  Well, because there are men out there whom have never came forward and reported their sexual assault/rape, or the inappropriate touching that occurred to them.  The most disturbing among all of that, is that there are all of those whom have not told their story, and who remain living with their shame and the injuries, in Silence. 

I am not sure, that I agree with this persons personal assertions; as it relates to the importance of whether or not the perpetrator sexual orientation.  Logically, one could assert that since the attack was conducted by someone whom was male; that the perpetrator has to be Gay.   I agree and disagree with this.

I have had actual discussions with people whom were both Gay and Straight, regarding male on male sexual activity.  One thing that has came to me, in my discussions was that during many male sexual lives (especially during adolescence and young adulthood),  There are times when every male goes through sexual discovery and experimentation.   Some of the sexually oriented contact, with other males, are consensual and are out of experimentation. 

During my Educational ventures, I had the pleasure of being in some Criminal Justice level classes that discuss mob dynamics, mob mentality issues, as well as "Peer Pressured Group Based Activities."   I have looked at these dynamics and other influences which involve multiple assailants in a criminal activity, and have seen some pretty harsh realities and connections with my own "Gang Rape."

In either case of whether, or not, a person or group, are of a "Gay" oriented background or "Gay Sexual Preference," is maybe important; but I don't think that is the only foundational concern here.  In Any situation where an assault or other case of criminal activity; there is an "Alpha" personality, that seems to guide or direct his/her influences, upon less dominant personalities, where he/she builds a sense of obligation, with lesser assertive or more subjective personalities.  Those personalities assert their perceived power, over others of less ability to be in control thereby falling in line with the masses; feeling like they would be compromised, and left out of their group.  (I hope this makes sense.)

I believe, in general that "Male on Male" Sexual assault, that the Alpha personality may be of some Gay orientation, or is close to one of his confidants, whom are Gay, and the dynamics of their influences may drive other "Lesser" assertive personality of their group following.  I believe that once the acts are started, the Alpha in the group activity and the other members of the group begin moving in the same direction; others of personalities whom are more prone to being followers; become energized and begin following the Alpha's action, thus building a series of dynamics that intensifies the actual act (s).

( I think you get the point I am trying to make here, I hope!)

Now, I have to say that there is a stronger sense of what the speaker in the above video; of which would direct one to assume that a "One on One" sexual assault/ Rape, would have some sense of being committed by someone whom had "Gay" tendencies.  However, in situations where there are multiple assailants, I think the dynamics are a bit difference; and fall in line with the "Mob" Mentality, where the "Alpha Personality" asserts peer pressure over one or more participants and then the pyramid or dynamics, include the other participants by asserting "Peer Pressure" over the lesser Personalities.  Trust and obligation is then transferred into the situation, between the assailants, through culpability, of  shared responsibility by grabbing the less strong personality, within the dynamics of the attack.

Funny, I am wondering why I went to the psychology of  the perpetrator's actions.  Maybe it's to justify why more than one person became involved with my Rape/Assault, and how others could not only observe; but interject themselves into the act; rather than stopping it.  I honestly don't know.

As I said, previously, I am not convinced that in all cases, that all Sexual Assault Assailants are of Gay Orientation.  I think that regardless of our sexual orientation, we all see other people, of the same sex, and find attractive features of their personalities or other attributes that are attractive to us.

    I also think that based on that; either jealousy or admittedly some feature of their physical form, attracts the interest.  What ever gives the attackers the final motivation, to attack that person; varies, I believe may range from "Getting Even or Revenge," "Jealousy," and Yes Definitely to "Assert Control."   I also think, based on my assertions, that some sexual attacks are not only opportunistic, but also out of experimentation, on the behalf of the attacker(s).

Now, I am not excusing Sexual Assault, or the actions of those whom commit such a horrid and devastating acts.  I am merely trying to find and discuss the issue, as to find some peace and a means of finding a deeper sense of forgiveness, for my own attackers/rapists/sexual predators.  I am also trying to open an interactive means of discussion, on the matter.. It is to me, as means of healing; not prompted by my Therapist or Medical advisers, or as part of my prescribed treatment plan. It just is a topic that pushed me to examine what the Gentleman above asserted, in the video.


Thank You Again for visiting.. I hope this discussion, is helpful. 

I would like to suggest that if you feel like you, or someone you know is a "Victim" of Sexual Assault, or have been Raped, please reach out and don't continue to "Live in Silence," as I did for years and years.  There are people out there whom care enough to want to help you, find the help you,, or your family, friend may need, to find peace.

 I would also ask that if you are suffering, in Silence, and feel like you are at risk of harming yourself; Please, I mean from the bottom of my heart, please reach out.

Mental Health Concerns and Suicide Prevention Resources:
HelpGuide.org
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm



http://veteranscrisisline.net or
(888)273-8255 #1

If you feel like you or someone you know, is going to harm themselves or others,
please call #911 immediately.

Hazing and Sexual Assualt In the Military

There are over 26 thousand reported cases, of Sexual Assault reported in the Military. Some are the product of or start out as "HAZING" incidents; which lead to the sexual assault.
The Department of Defense has continuously revised the numbers of sexual assault victims, due non-reporting of Sexual Assault.   As time has passed, it is estimated that there are approximately twice as many Male Victims of Military Sexual Assault, then Sexual Assaults on Women.

This is one story of an Army Specialist First Class, who went through such an Hazing event, that later turned into Sexual Assault.  (Let me warn you, it is graphic).



 

 

 

The reasons for non-reporting of sexual assault, depends on who you speak to.  The investigative body of the D.O.D (Department of Defense), suggests that reasoning goes to embarrassment and rejection concerns, by family and friends, as well as fellow Military Members.

 

 

 

 

 (This Video Is approx. 60 Minutes Long and has been monetized)

 

 



Who Am I? Why Should I See Justice? Why Have I Worn A Mask for So Long?

I think we all have been made aware that people perceive us, in our varying roles, differently.

We act and react to stimulus within those roles, accordingly to what we perceive is expected of us, as individuals.    We are all perceived both by our peers, as well as we carry an image of whom we wish to portray, within our roles.   Are those images wrong, or are we merely being judged by those around us?

Is it fair? or is their judgment of us aligned with our perception. of who we are trying to portray, as well as the role we wish were trying to portray?  What ever the answers to the previous questions are, I am sure that your taking the time to answer them, is or will be thought provoking and somewhat valuable to you, during your day.   I know, it seems like I have just made the proverbial cat chase her tail. and maybe I have.  But, in my defense, there is a reason, why I put you through the thought process, which will help you better relate to the remainder of this post.  On many occasions, I have been subjected to what other's perceived me as, and who they perceived me as; and having the information they shared, helped me realize who well PTSD sufferers and MST survivors hide who they truly are. I was astonished, to find a huge disparity between who I am, and who I the images that my employer has held for such a long time.  I then started seeing that the images which were held by neighbors and associates, whom I associate with, had of me; and which did not align with myself perceptions.

Now, I am finding out that all of them have ranged from being "sugar-coated" down to out-right wrong, including the images I have held of myself outwardly.  All of which had some common elements, but core elements of "who I am, were all way different.          It was a warm evening, just a few months ago, and I had spent most of my scheduled day for work, used up running medical and mental health appointments. I was supposed to have been back at work at 11:00am, at the latest, but my appointments had taken to around or near to 5:00pm, when I am normally off regular shift work and go on call, for the company I work for.  Due to the confusion of things that were going on at my Doctor appointments, I was unable to call and inform the boss, of my impending tardiness and evidently the requests for the nurses to do so, when unanswered and unperformed.  Either way, It all ended with a huge "blow out" between my boss and I.
 I had previously worked for this employer several years ago, and had recently returned to work for him again, and he had brought up my personality and my lack of showing any signs of having PTSD, or any needs for any psychological assistance.. His comments of which included; "You never shown signs of these issues, when you worked for me previously, and now all of the sudden it's in the open and you are out being seen by mental health professionals with a whole lot of issues, popping up; maybe we need to make changes."  After showing him several instances, where I had faltered in hiding my PTSD, and other symptoms, which he had not been paying attention, brought about some really deep discussions and revelations to him; that his lack of seeing the signs was not only the lack of his paying attention; but also his lack of caring about the results of those instances.


 However, despite my seeing that he had not been able to recall those instances, really helped me realize how well I was able to don a mask, and hide my pain.  IT also allowed me to operate in life, without questions which would have been embarrassing and humiliating to say the least; regarding my PTSD and my being a MST Survivor.  Now, in further discussion after the day, where my boss and I had sat down for the previously described discussion, I have had other discussions regarding PTSD, with my boss and with other people whom have been in my life, recently.  Each of them, had no clue that PTSD, was a disability or could be debilitating.  None of them knew or realized that PTSD falls within the Federal Disabilities Act, nor the State Disabilities Act.  But it does.  .

I was amazed on how people and myself were perceived when we brought up the fact that we were PTSD diagnosed.  Most of those who are ignorant of this fact, are unaware that the sufferers of PTSD, are doing anything  more than just making up excuses for doing nor not doing given things that are normally accepted, in society.






Is it fair?  Nope!  IS it discriminating?  Yes, it is; and it lends to those of us whom are suffering from mild to complex PTSD, to being discriminated against.








Put together, the average idea's of "Joe Public" in with MST, or Sexual Assault; which is suffered while in the military, and then on top of that throw in the idea of a male being a victim of Sexual Assault (whether male on male, or male on female, or even female on male) and you have a whole picture of why victims of MST, remain silent and try so hard to hide their suffering.  IN fact, a male MST survivor whom suffers from any form of PTSD, which stems from that sexual assault quickly becomes a "Master of  Disguise."     Hiding from the truth of their pain, and the truth of their suffering; becomes a pool of life long lies, to cover the fact that they were victimized.  It usually is easier, in my estimation if the silence was brought about by physical, psychological threats, or even the sufferance of career ending or life ending consequences; should they discuss or reveal the events or accuse anyone of committing such horrific and devastating act.






Over time, the systematic results of life and reality takes over and the assault and the excuses not to come out and wage such an accusation against someone, especially in the military, becomes all too scary and threatening.   Again, I ask; Is It Fair?  NO, it is not and it is also nothing which can be merely "swept under the carpet" as even the silence is more devastating than the actual immediate consequences.

Had I known, or realized, that the aftermath of my Sexual Assault would have came back on me, much later in life (as it has), I would have gladly weighted out the differences and went outside of my "Military Chain of Command," and told that Psychologist whom I was seeing for my Anger Management treatment; after my rape, what actually had happened. Why? Because it would have had possibly less of an impact, long term wise, than what the immediate consequences would have brought to bare.    The Scales of Justice, can not take away the pain, nor can it replace the innocence of which was so pure, prior to the Sexual Trauma.  In fact, there seems to be no real remedy for the act, which can put someone who has suffered and lost so much, through the acts of Sexual Assault or Rape, or even unwanted Sexual Contact. 

No amount of money, no amount of apology, and definitely no amount of justice, will replace what was lost; especially when it is kept quietly hidden under layers of lies and other trauma, which soon follows; later in life.  There is no way to weight or balance, the actions of those who commit those crimes against us, and others.  There is no amount of years behind bars or being tortured that can be imposed, to allow us to put aside the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment, the masks we wear, and the load of other negative emotions we, as Rape or Sexual Assault victims must bear.

I am a Sexual Assault Victim, who is moving towards becoming a Survivor.  AS one person has put it; "Every day my eyes open; I spit in the face of my attackers!,"  With every breath I take, I spite in the eyes of my Rapists!", With every wish, I spit in the eyes of those whom refused me justice." and with every moment of laughter, no matter it's origin, I not only spit but I Crap in their Lives!"

That is the only justice I can see, and the only comfort I can take with me.

Final Words:

If you suspect something is wrong, with a family member, research and find out if they have been possibly hiding symptoms of PTSD. If you think or have a story, which might include trauma, go seek help! If you find that the origin of that trauma is from Sexual Assault, Rape, Unwanted Physical Sexual Contact; Please seek out resources to get help, to bring your family member, or yourself the peace of knowing that justice is within your grasp.

If you find yourself being threatened; spit in the face of that threat! By doing so, will save you years of anguish; only to come to the conclusion I did; that the immediate consequences of reporting the incident, is far less than the consequences of hiding it and trying to live with the assault or trauma by yourself for years (like I did.)

Listen and do not judge someone, who claims they have been sexually assaulted.  Then give them support to find the needed resources to cope with it.  If you see signs of a loved one, who is being over protective of their bodies; for no apparent reason, be compassionate to their need for space; and let them know that when they are ready, you will be there to support them in finding help, and getting through the darkness.  But most of all; do not give them any message that once they embark on such a journey, that you will leave them alone.  They will be automatically looking for that.  Just love them and love their pain, and help them love themselves.

Be Blessed and Believe help is out there.  All you have to do, is look and ask for it.  From my heart, I wish you and your loved ones a blessed recovery.

No Man Is An Island

They say that "No Man Is An Island."  I wonder sometimes if that is not an untruth, of a statement.
You see, I have been writing blogs about my experiences, with no responses from but one person. I am truly grateful for that one response.  However, it seems that I am on an island, by myself; Isolated and alone. 




I have been told that due to my experiences, I am self feeding a sense of  "Hopelessness," and yet, although I know there are others out there, whom have had similar events happen to them; they too reside in a sense of hopelessness, depression, and Isolation.  I suppose that is what God wished for us, to live in hope that there are others to connect with; only to find that they are timid, untrusting, and unable to come to grips that they are not alone.  In effect, those feelings are leaving all of us; "Alone" and "Isolated."


Tonight, I reflect on the journey I undertook, to find peace with myself and my past experiences; both self inflicted, and inflicted upon me by others.  Not really feeling like I am beating myself up, over either; but just sitting in where I find myself today; and where I have came from after my assault.
It's been a very treacherous road, to say the least.


I have found out how to reach out, and to find some glimmer of "hope", from time to time; peaking out from behind a dark veil, of past memories and lack of trust I once had, that now is beginning to lose some grip over me. 


However, I still feel like a stranded traveler.  A marooned passenger, left here by a sinking ship, called "life."  I can see ships passing in the darkness of the night, with passengers waving at me; but the ship still goes about it's route; leaving me behind to fen d for myself and not to allow others to get too close.


I know for those whom have suffered any of what I have, to any degree, you are feeling the same way.  I know that, because I suffered in silence for over 30 plus years; by myself. When someone would try to look in, I would go on the defensive and lash out or run all together to separate myself.


You will never know my reality, nor my pain; as I will never know yours. (nor will I pretend to know.)  But I am here to share with you that although the memories of my attack haunts me still; even after finally opening up to a professional therapist. (A wonderful Therapist and a wonderful friend, whom is also a therapist and a wonderful friend.)


I have fought to trust, in the network I have built; and with the help of my friend, (whom doesn't speak to me anymore,) I have started down a rocky road of finding trust in others again; to the extent I have never known.  In that trust, I have found that there is moments of a "shinning light," I am being told is trust and hope.   But, I had to do something that I never thought I could do; That one thing, opened my eyes, and my heart a little, as well as the biggest of it all; I asked for "Help." and did not stop until I found it.


You know, I am not only encouraged to keep writing my blog for male victims of PTSD, derived from MST; but also now I am speaking to all whom have experienced the horrors of MST, men and women alike.  Despite my original goal; I know through my therapy that all victims, whom have not found a way to become a "Survivor", has suffered injustice and some deep violation of not just their person; but also their soul in a most horrific of ways.


Through my ignorance, and selfishness, I was upset that so much attention has been given to Women who had been victimized; that men were not being given equal billing; in Society.  However true that may be, We who have been assaulted, in the manner which we were; all have their own views of their sufferance's and their losses.  I am not in a position to rob anyone of their claim to what is rightfully theirs;  Their peace of mind, their peace of heart, their peace of life that can not longer be violated and torn away; without their approval.


I still struggle, and I still feel alone.  But because I had an old friend who cared; I found the strength through her, to reach out and find a new friend whom is holding me up when I feel like falling down; who watches my back, when I feel like the world is sneaking up on me; who waves to my island as she passes by and assures me that I will one day come home, away from that Island of being a Victim.


Be strong, not stubborn.  Be optimistically available, and yet be vigilant and let someone know; you need help.  Especially, if you have not done so yet.  You will go through a rough path, at first; but it will be well worth the journey.  Come join me in finding recovery and healing, for all of us.


Take Care and Bless
G.Brents

I Am Learning

Hello Again, and thank you for joining me in today's post.  I hope that all is well with you and the family. 




I am wishing to share some things that I am learning, to help me recover from and to deal with the stresses and issues associated with my PTSD and MST recovery.  I am in hopes that my story, and previous blog posts, are helpful for you; as well as informative; towards you or your family member getting help from a professional source, to deal with PTSD, and especially MST issues.


I am learning so very much, in regards to myself and my life, since finding my mental health professional.   In fact, she recently gave an opportunity to give back and to "Pay It Forward."
I am honored that she has given me the opportunity and that I am here to accept the project.  As a result, I am learning so much about myself and how to deal with the mal-adjusted ways I have coped with my issues; which stem from my Assault and the nightmare that encompassed the Attack upon me.








You see, when I first found my therapist; I was abusive to her sense of boundaries and not realizing it; I violated any normal senses of inter-personal boundaries that are held highly by others.  I did this, not even realizing what I was doing, and how it might have effected her as well as punishing myself in the process.








She demanded I purchase a book called "Boundaries"; but I never took it seriously and I honestly could not afford to purchase this book; as I live on a very limited income and most of my funds are dedicated to basic living expenses.  Well, as time went on, she held me to consequences of my choices, no matter the motivation of my choices; she had to establish ground rules of contact and enforce them with some heft costs for violation.












I would like to say that the actions I took, and the frequency of my contact with her out of disparity was excessive and was becoming very demanding; on my part.  When she would bring the matter up, to establish a clear boundary, of which we could work mutually and productively, she had to make some of the choices I made to be costly and with some pretty severe consequences, which I will not go into here.










Recently, due to my situation, my therapist gave me an opportunity to do a project with her; that I jumped at with no reservation.  She said it would benefit other clients of hers, whom were not described with any one sort of condition, but in a general setting.








Anyways, upon her purchasing Boundaries for me, to complete her project, I took it and had to read the pages within the cover.  The things I found in that book, was so familiar and so revealing to me; as it pertained to my responses to the various emotional and rational lines, which were being crossed, due to the level of the PTSD I was suffering with.  The words on the pages, brought to life a realization of my lack of proper boundaries; which were both derived from my childhood as well as the assault.






From the date of my assault/attack, I have been always resentful of those whom I tried to let close; as it felt at times they were using my willingness to pacify them and to perform at their requests; only to be personally disappointed at their lack of appreciation of my limitations.  I know that those people did not have any idea of my situation, in it's entirety, nor could they appreciate the impact upon me and my situations, but the ultimate responsibilities I had to myself was defiantly being ignored; by myself.




I was told that being a victim, does not have to define who I am.  And reading some of the materials that were suggested to me by my therapist, has showed me that I could be able to move on to becoming a survivor, and not merely a victim.   But none of the resources, she has put into my hands, Boundaries seems to be the most substantive in making me realize that I have control;  And it's my job and right to exercise that control, instead of giving control over me to others and later becoming resentful of my situation.


Now, yes I have been pushing the topic of this book.  I will let you know, that all of the textual content is Christian based, and seemingly very relevant to a Christian or Christian based living, and is backed with references to scriptural insight.   Unlike most of the other resources, I found that I related more with the textual contents of this book, and to the examples of writings.


I personally think that almost any sufferer of any trauma, who is diagnosed or not diagnosed with PTSD, will find very relevant information within the pages of this book.  I would not have ever imagined that one single book, or writing could impact my efforts towards recovery, as much as this one has.


I will say this much; If I did not believe in its ability to be of help to not only your recover, but to dealing with family and other future relationships; as a PTSD sufferer, I would not have dedicated an entire posting on my blog for it.  Just take the time to click on the highlighted portions of the text, and you will be directed to Amazon, to view the book.. I urge you to not only purchase the book, tonight, but to also purchase and share it with your spouse or significant other.  IT has the potential to help you and your family, in improving your relationship and how you deal with them. 


Have a Good Evening; and I hope if you can trust in my recommendation, that you will view the book and hopefully decide to spend the little bit of money, to purchase it.  I believe with all my heart, it will bring some very startling revelations to you and anyone else who might read it.


Take Care and Be Blessed
Gary Brents.

For Families Of, Friends Of, Care-Givers Of, Suffers From PTSD Derrived From MST.

I often struggle with the events of my assault in ways that I can not even describe.  From Flashbacks, to Anxiety, Depression, to being disenfranchised from the human race, and let us not forget not feeling like anyone cares and that if they knew; they would treat you like you are infected with the plague; then laugh as they walk away.


Letting go of things, and  connections with people becomes easier as time passes; but on the back side, you long for personal connection with someone besides your service dog or service animal.  Even at times, my service dog gets on my nerves; even when I know he is ultimately here to help me survive daily events and set-backs.


Waking in the mornings, is a chore at best. The pain from the beatings I endured from my assault, plague me daily.  I can not sleep in an elevated bed; so I sleep at night on the floor; atop of a mat to cushion the hard cold floor.  So, when I get up I roll off the mat onto an often cold floor; racked with pain in my back, hips, shoulders, legs and neck.  Every morning is like waking up on a medieval rack, used to stretch out the human body to the point of being torn apart.


when I do wake up; I go into the Head (the restroom) and if I look into the mirror; I see a monster looking back at me; not the person who is supposed to be looking back at me.  You have heard the saying that waking up with that person in the morning, becomes ugly and un-kept and that ogre looking person stares back?  Well, imagine that along with the distorted look of a twisted and blurred out demon; staring at you from inside the mirror.


Now, even after seeking out and being in therapy for four months; my therapist says she is seeing progress.  I have to take her word for it, and keep struggling on until hopefully one day that monster and the pain will subside and the monster I see in the mornings; as well as the pain, will subside.


Trust!  Hmmm.  well, since I have not had a sense of trust or personal connection for over 30 years; Trust comes hard, very hard to say the least.  I mean I am just beginning to trust my therapist; Lord knows I put her through her paces.  The people she has placed on my side; well, I am starting to feel like because of my therapist; I am trying to trust but verify everything they are claiming to be doing on my behalf; but there are not one connection so far. (I am not one who relies on hope; but working on this one as well.)


Well, My therapist tells me that I need to fulfill my basic needs; which by the way are supposed to be basic needs of any healthy human being; I am being told.  you know; housing, security, companionship, and something else.  this list is short, but resides in something called "Maslins hierarchy of needs"   Since issues of these called needs; keeps rearing up into my therapy sessions and distracting from my recovery; my therapists decided that we need to stabilize my life.  Okay; let's give it a chance, and try to trust in the processes.


Well, I have been told that I have accomplished more in three or four weeks than most folks are able to do in one or two years.  with the help of my therapist and connections; we have started my claim process with the help of an attorney, to go after my VA benefits.  We have found a place for me to call home, we have secured other much needed assistance to help me maintain and to give me a stepping stone to move forward.


Now, I have found that even with all this going on; everyone around me is excited for me.  I should be as well.  I have a seemingly terrific support network with the agencies and the attorneys who are working with me to build and take control of my life; and lest me forget the most important of that network; my Therapist who has been awesome to say the least.  She has been my "Rock" when all the ground around me has seemingly been filled with quick-sand.  I also have to give special recognition to people who have unselfishly allowed me access to utilize them as a personal support network; who are friends from my childhood, whom have crossed paths with me from time to time up to this point in my life.  For them I am very Blessed.


A lot of the things I am in process of building the stepping stones, towards a productive and rewarding life; something I have never known.  A stable home, which I have not known in over 33 years; since my assault.  Everyone who knows what has been going on, in my life is excited and thrilled about what is going on, in my life and what I have accomplished thus far.   However, with all that has happened; I have learned not to trust in anything or any process or progression to last.  Therefore I do not and can not attach myself emotionally to anyone, or anything. This remains to this day; but I am trying to re-learn.  I am trying so hard, and often end up frustrated with myself.


The reasoning for my sharing of this is to show those who love people, whom have suffered with PTSD, and Chronically Severe PTSD from MST, can understand a bit more of what sufferers are going through.  To help you understand the processes of which suffers like me deal with daily, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, etc...  I think the point can be inferred here.


Now, the above is an actual account of what my life is like.  However, as a Family Member, Care Giver of, Friend of someone who is suffering from PTSD derived from MST, you might be able to better see where your loved one's mind may be resting or living.  This is meant to allow you a window of the daily turmoil that your loved one is going through.  Although their habits may be difficult, for you to deal with at times; please take a deep breathe and focus on the fact that what you are going through; is intensified over 100x's with the sufferer you love.


I hope at minimum, This gives you insight enough for you to appreciate the reasons for their sometimes and sometimes often sense of disconnect; lack of emotions, lack of trust, lack of personal connections, lack of appreciation for accomplishments they achieved.  It's not that they do not appreciate all that is given, or all that is shared, or all that is gained materially and gained ground in their lives.


I just want to give insight at what seemingly helps me the most, in my struggles.  It sometimes goes further than medications, and allows me to focus on what is "here and now." Which helps with the flashbacks and the anxieties.


This is a Biggie:   Just re-assure your loved one, that they are safe and away from the place where their trauma occurred.   Let them know you love and care about them, and do not come into direct contact with them; at the onset of any episode.


Let them know that no matter what they say; or how disorganized their ranting is; get them to slow their breathing and to focus on something in the room that allows them to see what is happening now.


Here is another Biggie!  Just listen and don't judge them for what may spew out; no matter how much it may lead them to say things that are attacking of you or others you care about; just realize they are venting and frustrated.  In most cases, what is flowing is not based on a personal attack upon you; but just something to get the flow of the venting stages towards getting the deeper issues out; so they can be processed.  In other words, go into this with "thick Skin" if possible and don't let their seemingly harsh attack; set you into a conflict of words based on your feeling like you have to protect yourself.


In the end; and with practice with both of you, a deeper bond will develop with you and your loved one who is suffering.


I hope this helps you, help your loved one; who suffers from PTSD and especially a PTSD sufferer from MST.


Be Blessed, I know I am. 

Remembering The Past

I am brought to a point where, A man who served his country, was revered.  Although I was raised through the Viet Nam Era, and served through the Post Viet Nam war era, I had served three years in the Air Force, during what was called "Post War" Vietnam Era.  I never say military action during the war in Vietnam.  I have however, conducted may interviews while in college, with War Time Vietnam Veterans, whom served in Country.


I recall tales, by Veterans whom served during the actual conflict, which was unjustly re-classified as a Policing Action, and not a war time consideration. (A travesty to say the least, as we lost a lot of good men and had many good people in the wake of injury; both mentally and physically.


Although I have served, in the era of the Vietnam conflict, I feel somewhat disgraced that I had not seen action, in what I consider to be amongst the most honorable of wars, conflicts and Policing actions, we as Americans have had the task of participating in.  I am often harboring a wealth of respect for those who had served during that conflict as well as the most recent conflicts in Afghanistan and in Iraq.


I also have been fighting another war, which was remnants of an action or series of actions, which had caused me to become disabled and functionally unable to pursue the career which helped me deal with the effects of my service to the United States, while in the Air Force.  Even if it was Peace-time, I feel like I have been fighting my battle for over 33 years, in silence and all alone.


Now, I am not going to go further into my service, my ailments, nor my woes alone; as the item of note, far extends beyond my needs, wants or situation alone.  However I will not a somewhat detailed summary of my situation, is documented in the archives of this blog; if you feel like taking some time to read the archived notes, and posts of my blog.


Recently, we have seen the Government show disgust in the Veteran's Administration of support, service and assistance, given to Veteran's of all Conflicts between the Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan conflicts.   Supposedly, the military and the Obama Cabinet, has been bragging about services supposedly now available to current Military Veterans, as well as Veterans of prior military actions.


Now, my interests lie within the walls and confines of Military Sexual Assault, Military Rape, which is going unpunished or inadequately researched and reported over the years.  My blog is not to ignore the impact on Female Victims of Sexual Assault/Rape; however since there is a huge disparity in reporting of rape and sexual misconduct with male victims, in relation to those claims by women of Sexual misconduct. 


I departed the military in 1983.  I returned home, under questionable circumstances, and when I arrived, I paid a visit to the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Long Beach, CA.  I became all to  familiar with the delays for help and treatment, which were much worse than those reports by the government would have most believe.


Since I returned and since my time in various states, through out the United States, I have heard horror stories of time delays and deaths due to the Veteran's Administration's unwillingness to complete and pursue medical attention to those who were among the walking dead.  (I refer to the Walking Dead, to note more that there are people who are left with scars of war and peace time violence, who are not getting the assistance; thus causing them to suffer silently.)


Today, I heard that a head Administrator for the Veteran's Administration Health Care system, had tendered his resignation, based on allegations that he did not do enough to correct problems within the Veterans Administration and their handling of Claims for medical assistance and disability.

Back in the early 80's, I attended College to try and make a life for myself; after being beaten up while in the service of my country.  I was seeking out a finance degree, which I finally completed back in the 90's...  I was told two things and found at least one, to be true.


1.  If you wish to become wealthy, open a Church.


2. If you wish to get help, stay away from the Governmental Agencies to get you there. (later to find that the person who shared this one with me, was a Vietnam Veteran.)


Now, in current news headlines, I am seeing a man being forced to retire and tender his resignation, based on the Veteran's Administration, lack of ability to hire, maintain and serve Veterans ailments and medical needs. 


I have to say, that although it does not surprise me that our Government is dragging their heels in getting the health care system with in the Veteran's Administration, where it should be and would be deemed as acceptable.  What bothers me, in all of this mess that the Government is sweeping the Veteran's Administrations lack of utilizing trained personnel, to administer aid, medical assistance and medical mental health assistance to Veteran's who served our country.


Now some time ago, I would say about six or eight months ago, the Government held hearings and later handed out directives that such services be available to all victims of military based crimes; which were committed against military personnel by Military Personnel, Rape/Sexual Assault, and war time injuries with more vigor.


The problem is, that since I can recall the norm is not a norm for sexual abuse/ or sexual assault victims, nor adequate medical or mental health for War-Time sufferers of PTSD, is not even adequate.  Let's look at untrained or inadequately trained personnel, trying to help PTSD and medically challenging injuries.


I think my knowledge, as it relates to War Time Veterans suffering from injury to both mental and physical aspects of their bodies;  The Veteran's Administration has at minimum, discounted the importance of time, when addressing an issue.    Time is not on the Veteran's side, when seeking out help for what ever the ailment they suffer from


Now, in current time, the United States Government is holding accountable, a man who served his country, who is by all of my research a model soldier, who has been put into place as Head Administrator of the Veteran's Administration, accountable for past results (or lack thereof), within the Veteran's Administration.


Now, it has been my experience, that in any Governmental Agency, in any branch of Governmental body, or agency over-seen by the Federal Government, changes come every four or six years.  Now, you may disagree, but normally during a change of administration of a given entity, it takes the first four years for the newly appointed administrator to get a glimpse and idea of what needs to and can be changed.  It takes approximately the fifth or sixth year to get new policy in force and about the next two years to get the new policy to start becoming effective.  Even under Congressional and Senate over-sight, this has been historically the pattern that is followed and plays out.


Now, I am not necessarily a supporter of the new Administrator of the Veteran's Administration.  However, he is being used as a "Scape-Goat" for all the prior failures of service, on hand in regards to the VA's Medical and Mental Health services.


As of this moment, there are no specialists or services, to address Male sexual assault, or Male Sexual Rape Victimization.   As of this moment, the services that are being offered is based on the norm of "Male on Female" Sexual Assault and Sexual Rape cases.  However, it has been noted by the VA themselves and male Victims, that the programs that are in tact for Male on Male Sexual Assault is the same as the Male on Female programs.


It must be noted, that although either sex victimization is very serious; Male Sexual Assault and Male on Male Sexual Rape, can be more devastating than a Rape of  a female victim.   I wish not to discount the effects upon any Female whom has suffered the trauma of Sexual Assualt/Rape.  Please do not believe that is my opinion.

However, in contrast to the Female Rape Victim, the Male victim has primarily Egoistical issues and Social Psychological issues that come into play.  Sexual Identity, Sexual Preference questioning, Self Doubts, Depression based on the prior issues, to include some added insult to the Rape or attack, that would be suffered by the female.  These issues are societies pressures that are applied to men, as the stronger sex; which has been in existence since the "Caveman Times."


However, if a man were to approach the Veteran's Administration, in effort to deal with the matters at hand, they are considered Weak, their attack is discounted and in some cases (as in mine) minimized by blame shifting, to include that the victim has for some reason, asked for such treatment by the attacker.  There is no "Due Process" in most cases, as most Sexual Assault Victims whom are male, often suffer in Silence.  I suffered in Silence for over 30 years.


Now, although this is not only on the sexual assault victim populace, but it also includes the medically needed services, needed by Veteran's of Foreign Wars, such as Vietnam, Iraq and also Afghanistan campaigns.


I am sure most have heard of the potential 40 plus Veterans whom died after being put off, by the Veteran's Administration, to schedule routine procedures.  Although horrific, the Veterans Administration and the Department of Defense has discounted the events, tremendously to mute bad publicity.


Every day, thousands of Veterans are scheduled out to over 30 days for basic services, on average.  The same procedures that are sought after by public health care providers, are mandated to be within a more reasonable time frame, via HEPA policies.  Why should the Veteran's Administrative health care system be held to a higher standard?  I affirm that my belief is that it, the Veterans Administration, should be held to a higher standard of care, than the public standards.


It is funny that in the Military Sector, Air Craft has multiple redundancies to ensure safe operation and safe return of Military personnel.  It is notable that Public transportation Air Traffic systems and requirements, have only two or less redundancies  for safety.   Why are the same number of redundancies in tact, for the Sufferers of War time Injuries and mental health concerns follow the same pattern of redundancy count?


Personally, I feel the resignation of the current Veteran's Administration's Chief, is no more than the President Obama denial of responsibility and putting the Administration's failures and short-comings, onto the back of a man who has served his post a limited amount of time, to save the political parties face, for the up-coming running for the Presidency, and due to Coward-ness on part of the President.