Reporting Your MST to the Veteran's Administration

We gave to our country, in ways that no one should have to.. We gave our minds, body and souls; but we did not do so to become Victims!  Silence was pressed upon us, and torment was a daily fact of life after we gave what we were forced to give; which was not a part of our oath of office.

Often, our silence has destroyed our lives, even after our obligations were terminated; either by our own fulfillment of original obligations, or terminated by our superiors prematurely.   The suffering in silence, for years and even decades, losing families, friends and careers; not able to trust or connect with others.  Not able to trust even ourselves, much less others.

IT's Time It Comes To An End!  It's Time to Stand Up and Shout!

Our ghosts and demons be put on notice, that we are done dealing their intrusions and we are going to break our silence!  It is not enough for us to keep the specter of our past, lurking in the shadows; we must let them out of our minds and tell someone.  It is time for us to consider letting the system know, that we are tired of being victims and need to move our lives to survivorship, so we can live our lives and move forward in a productive and positive way.

It's Time!  Time to report our intentions to get through our pain and heal.  Haven't you suffered enough?  After 30 plus years of living like this; I am.. Come join me, come join others in reclaiming our lives.  Come report your story, to the Veteran's Administration and Demand your Freedom!  Lord knows, you deserve to be free!

Here is a link, that will take you to a VA fact sheet.. click on the highlighted letters and a link will either pop up, or the link will allow you to click on it and you will be taken to the page, that is full of information for you.  You may wish to bookmark that page for future reference, as the links are valuable, if you are going to report sexual assault which occurred during your military service.

Fact Sheet and Links about MST

Reach out!  Even if it is reaching out to me, You can do so on Hubpages.com, then search for me under the profile of  repoprimo (my pen name).  Then, click on my profile and send me "fan mail."  I will answer your inquiry as soon as I am notified of your message.  You can also follow this and other posts on this blog by filling out the "follow me" form with your email.

Honestly, I do not share or give out email information to anyone.  Your contact with me will be confidential..


Please feel free to look through the Archives.  It may give you a better sense of what my background is, who I am, and what my intentions are by building of this blog.

I wish you good luck, and welcome to your days of recovery.  I am still working on mine.  Come join me, won't you?

Are All Male on Male Sexual Assaults, Commited by Gay Participants? (A Discussion, to Possibly Aid In Healing).

Hello, and Thank You, in advance, for coming and showing some interest in the subject matter; of which is addressed, here on my blogs.   The other day I addressed some statistics, concerning male victimization, in the act of Rape, Male Sexual Assaults in the Military.   Now, as you probably can see, this video was produced and posted on as recent as September 14, 2014; If I read it correctly.

The statistics that are described and disclosed here, are not anything that surprises me., However, they are much more in number of reported cases, which brought these statistics into the light.  There is, on the other hand the most chilling reality; is these statistic are not complete or completely accurate.  Why?  Well, because there are men out there whom have never came forward and reported their sexual assault/rape, or the inappropriate touching that occurred to them.  The most disturbing among all of that, is that there are all of those whom have not told their story, and who remain living with their shame and the injuries, in Silence. 

I am not sure, that I agree with this persons personal assertions; as it relates to the importance of whether or not the perpetrator sexual orientation.  Logically, one could assert that since the attack was conducted by someone whom was male; that the perpetrator has to be Gay.   I agree and disagree with this.

I have had actual discussions with people whom were both Gay and Straight, regarding male on male sexual activity.  One thing that has came to me, in my discussions was that during many male sexual lives (especially during adolescence and young adulthood),  There are times when every male goes through sexual discovery and experimentation.   Some of the sexually oriented contact, with other males, are consensual and are out of experimentation. 

During my Educational ventures, I had the pleasure of being in some Criminal Justice level classes that discuss mob dynamics, mob mentality issues, as well as "Peer Pressured Group Based Activities."   I have looked at these dynamics and other influences which involve multiple assailants in a criminal activity, and have seen some pretty harsh realities and connections with my own "Gang Rape."

In either case of whether, or not, a person or group, are of a "Gay" oriented background or "Gay Sexual Preference," is maybe important; but I don't think that is the only foundational concern here.  In Any situation where an assault or other case of criminal activity; there is an "Alpha" personality, that seems to guide or direct his/her influences, upon less dominant personalities, where he/she builds a sense of obligation, with lesser assertive or more subjective personalities.  Those personalities assert their perceived power, over others of less ability to be in control thereby falling in line with the masses; feeling like they would be compromised, and left out of their group.  (I hope this makes sense.)

I believe, in general that "Male on Male" Sexual assault, that the Alpha personality may be of some Gay orientation, or is close to one of his confidants, whom are Gay, and the dynamics of their influences may drive other "Lesser" assertive personality of their group following.  I believe that once the acts are started, the Alpha in the group activity and the other members of the group begin moving in the same direction; others of personalities whom are more prone to being followers; become energized and begin following the Alpha's action, thus building a series of dynamics that intensifies the actual act (s).

( I think you get the point I am trying to make here, I hope!)

Now, I have to say that there is a stronger sense of what the speaker in the above video; of which would direct one to assume that a "One on One" sexual assault/ Rape, would have some sense of being committed by someone whom had "Gay" tendencies.  However, in situations where there are multiple assailants, I think the dynamics are a bit difference; and fall in line with the "Mob" Mentality, where the "Alpha Personality" asserts peer pressure over one or more participants and then the pyramid or dynamics, include the other participants by asserting "Peer Pressure" over the lesser Personalities.  Trust and obligation is then transferred into the situation, between the assailants, through culpability, of  shared responsibility by grabbing the less strong personality, within the dynamics of the attack.

Funny, I am wondering why I went to the psychology of  the perpetrator's actions.  Maybe it's to justify why more than one person became involved with my Rape/Assault, and how others could not only observe; but interject themselves into the act; rather than stopping it.  I honestly don't know.

As I said, previously, I am not convinced that in all cases, that all Sexual Assault Assailants are of Gay Orientation.  I think that regardless of our sexual orientation, we all see other people, of the same sex, and find attractive features of their personalities or other attributes that are attractive to us.

    I also think that based on that; either jealousy or admittedly some feature of their physical form, attracts the interest.  What ever gives the attackers the final motivation, to attack that person; varies, I believe may range from "Getting Even or Revenge," "Jealousy," and Yes Definitely to "Assert Control."   I also think, based on my assertions, that some sexual attacks are not only opportunistic, but also out of experimentation, on the behalf of the attacker(s).

Now, I am not excusing Sexual Assault, or the actions of those whom commit such a horrid and devastating acts.  I am merely trying to find and discuss the issue, as to find some peace and a means of finding a deeper sense of forgiveness, for my own attackers/rapists/sexual predators.  I am also trying to open an interactive means of discussion, on the matter.. It is to me, as means of healing; not prompted by my Therapist or Medical advisers, or as part of my prescribed treatment plan. It just is a topic that pushed me to examine what the Gentleman above asserted, in the video.


Thank You Again for visiting.. I hope this discussion, is helpful. 

I would like to suggest that if you feel like you, or someone you know is a "Victim" of Sexual Assault, or have been Raped, please reach out and don't continue to "Live in Silence," as I did for years and years.  There are people out there whom care enough to want to help you, find the help you,, or your family, friend may need, to find peace.

 I would also ask that if you are suffering, in Silence, and feel like you are at risk of harming yourself; Please, I mean from the bottom of my heart, please reach out.

Mental Health Concerns and Suicide Prevention Resources:
HelpGuide.org
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm



http://veteranscrisisline.net or
(888)273-8255 #1

If you feel like you or someone you know, is going to harm themselves or others,
please call #911 immediately.

Reaching Out For Help and For Myself.

I am not a Mental Health Professional, nor do I pretend to be.  So, being that as it is; I can not give any other advice to anyone who is either suffering, think they suffer from, or have a family member who they believe may be a sufferer of any Mental Health Issue.   However, I am a sufferer of PTSD and a Survivor of MST (Military Sexual Trauma).    The only advice I can offer is that you may wish to seek out assistance from a local or area Mental Health Professional, A Physician, or your Local Church Administration for guidance, if you believe there might be issues relating to the safety or welfare of a loved one, or yourself.


All I can share with you, is my experiences; and information that I have been made aware of and share my interpretations of what I have learned, from those whom help me make my journey, through recovery.     It is my belief, at this point, that with my journey the assistance and support of the people in my life (to include primarily my Mental Health Network), has been most invaluable to make my journey rewarding, educational, and also a bit easier on my crazy life.


I will share with you, things that impact my life and my recovery to provide several benefits to you, the reader of this blog. I am hopeful that if you do not suffer from PTSD, or are a Survivor of Sexual Trauma (regardless of the origin or perpetrators background), Then this may be able to allow you some insight as to either dispel or acknowledge belief that there may be something wrong, should someone you know and love be suffering in silence.  The second thing I hope; is that if you are suffering in silence; that this material and the information and stories here in this blog, will give you strength to seek out the assistance you may wish to consider obtaining.


Due to my own experiences, My belief in Mankind, as a whole; my belief in my God and myself, My trust in others and even in myself; has been forever changed and challenged.  I have forsaken all of the previous groups, for so long that getting back in touch with these group members, will take a long time and a lot of work.  However, It is my belief that in my perception I feel, regaining some level of relationship and trust in all of those groups is possible.


I have heard and have always been taught that without love of self, trust of self, belief in self; there can be limited (If any)  of those attributes, in relationships with others.    I am not sure to what degree this is true; but I do know that when I ask myself questions like;


Can I love this person, who is in my life?
Can I trust in this person, who is at the door of my life?
Can I turn my back on this person and feel comfortable?
Can I believe that this person or God, be trusted not to harm or bring harm to me?


I often find myself having to ask myself the questions with myself as the person I am inquiring about.  The answer from doing this, guides me in deciding whether I am equipped with the tools, to extend any give attribute to anyone else.


Often however, as with anything, there are exceptions; and in my life there are a very few exceptions that will allow me to remove asking the questions regarding trust, love, feelings, and belief.  However, even with these exceptions; it has to be measured with experience with the people who have fallen within the exceptions.


Let me explain what I mean.  As a baby, we are not able to change our own diapers, to teach ourselves how to use the toilet, to teach ourselves how to experience our first bites of solid food; without some elements of others, with whom we have to waive questioning.  Because as a matter of survival, we need guidance and limitations placed upon us; to give us the tools we need to continue growing and thriving.


With the events of my own Sexual Assault; the resulting PTSD  (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from that assault; had wiped out all that I believed to be true. It challenged my very existence and still continues to challenge that existence, to this day. The frustration of not trusting myself, believing in myself and resulting insecurities of my viability as a friend, and the ability for me to believe that  for others will stay by my side, has become a daily challenge and a daunting chore (both for me and those who continue to have to re-enforce my trust in their willingness to stay).


I am not sure what is more upsetting to me; the fact that I have to struggle to find self worth, or to have to continually seek out re-enforcement of others having the willingness to stay by my side and fight with me.   Consistently, even at the age of which I am at, I am finding myself acting like an infant, seeking out constant reminders and re-assurances that I am worth while and that they are not going to leave my side in this fight. (and it is a FIGHT!  Make no mistake.)


I can not stress enough, the impact upon my life in not believing that I am worth anything, worth being loved, worth being considered a friend, worth the affection and attention of people around me, worth the respect, and worthy most of all, of self worth and love.  To be honest, I have lost so much self love, through my journey (previous to and up to this point), that it is frustrating for me to not even have a sense of what it is like to have. I know it gets frustrating for those who work with me, in my recovery.


As I said earlier, I had to realize that as I was, as a child, I am now in so many ways again in my infancy.   AS such, I had to swallow my pride, and find a way to ask for help; much like an infant child has to ask for dinner to be made, ask for a structured way of thriving, ask for a diaper to be changed or ask for the love and attention repeatedly to seek out reassurances that I am okay and worth the effort and time.


I believe that, due to my own experiences; most sufferers of PTSD and most Sexual Assault Victims who wish to change their own status into becoming a survivor; these feelings of inadequacy exist and the same sort of reassurances exist; even when they probably will be wishing to deny them.   But I am willing to believe that denial is a basic element; at least openly.. However, privately, we do hold some elements of this truth deep within us and will not come out with this element of our issues without being told it is okay and that there is help available to restore hope.

I am finding it hard to believe in very much, right now.  However, I am beginning to think that, with the help, and encouragement, I am receiving from my own network of support,  I have a lot more than a chance of getting to where I should be, in life.  With all of the Issues and doubt that once existed, and from time to time, still remains to some degree;  I have to say,  I am starting to feel like there might be hope trickling in.  ( I am sure that my therapist will be happy to hear that, for a change).

I have had problems with going back and reading some of my past postings.  They often remind me of the trauma and roads, I have been down, during my fresh 6 month journey, towards my recovery.  However difficult,  the reality is that the posts make it evident that I am making some progress, on my own journey.   It allows me to reach out to others, whom has been tormented by trauma, and hopefully gives them the strength to seek out the help, they need for either themselves, or a loved one, whom might be suffering in silence; like I was.

A note to my friends and therapist;
I am feeling and learning that there is a glimmer of hope, that I didn't know existed, that is now and at this moment, starting to get through.  
With that note, I wish whom so ever should read this blog, and is either suffering in silence, or knows someone who is,  will be able to see;  all is not lost. There is hope for those who reach out and ask for it.   If nothing else comes from the posts I'm sharing with you,  It my best of hopes that faith and healing will come your way, through the process of sharing my journey and reaching out for the help, you might be seeking.  

The help is there for the asking.  Just make the first step.

take care.