Saturday, December 7, 2013

A Needed Thank You, and Well Deserved Dedication.



Welcome and Thank you for joining today.

I am sitting here, in what seems to be an overwhelming setting reaching out for a method of sharing with you my progress.  You see, since leaving the military over 30 years I have been what most would consider, to be in a state of Homelessness.   Well, I was somewhat forced to find a place to reside, which was closer to my place of employment.  Somewhere that was at least somewhat permanent.  So, last week I moved from what most would view as a stable place (with a dead-line), and finally moved into a place of my own.  Okay, well I do have a roommate and my dog, I am not in a place that is all mine, but i have progressed to at least a place to retreat from the world with a great amount of privacy; which I have not had in such a long, long time.  

So, I am now somewhat situated after a week of trying to get used to the new place, and the quiet stillness that befalls this place.  A far cry from what I have been submerged in.  Hopefully it will all enable me to strike out towards a new chapter of my life.  A chapter, where I also can progress exponentially, towards bringing some sense of normal life, to my future.

Okay, moving on. It brings to mind something that I experienced years ago, and not too long after my returning back to my place of separation, to enter the Air Force.  I figured to go and visit a family, whom I grew very fond of and even moved in with prior to my entering the military.  The kids in this home, I had grown up with for a few years and their son and I became close, as so did their youngest daughter.  Yes, every story of influence involves a woman.  (In this case, A very good involvement, I might add.)  I also became quite attached to the father, as well and honestly looked up to him, despite his short-comings.  The two sons, Kinney and Paul were a blast to hang out with, although I mostly hung out with Kinney before and after my moving in with the family.

The Youngest Daughter had always been a source of encouragement in my life. Since meeting her, she had caught my eye and my heart in so many ways, today I still can not put words upon what she came to mean and still means to me.  After leaving for the Air Force, she also entered into the Air Force and was stationed across the country from where I was.  I got bits and pieces of information, regarding her progress from her family when I called to visit with them; and finally we were re-united and immediately started planning our reunion, down in New Mexico where she was stationed.   Well, eventually she was re-assigned over-seas in Turkey and we lost contact with one another.  I some what kept up with her, via her parents on phone calls I made until the time I returned back to California, after I was discharged.

After a year of her leaving to Turkey, I re-visited the family and the immense progress this lady made was so good to hear about.  Her parents gleamed with pride, as they related an update on her.  The problem that I had was that I found that the connection to the family was somewhat gone, and that made my heart ache tremendously.  Longing for the feeling I had for them, I left with the elation for my lady friend, and a longing to speak to her; but as I got into the car, I had to  drive off, fighting tears and heart break at the emotions of losing the feelings I once held for her family members, and losing the connection we once had.

Many years later, I was blessed to hear from my long lost love and friend.  She has been a blessing to me in so many ways, since my meeting her as far back as I can remember, to this date.  And now, she was reaching out to me. about four or five months ago;  and we have been speaking ever since.  IN fact, she was the reason for my starting this blog and working towards getting the help I so desperately needed and still now need and am looking for.   To say that I have not connected with anyone, was understated; HOwever, in this case when we was able to get back in touch with each other again, I can say we connected and clicked better than ever before.  She has influenced a lot of positive decisions, a lot of positive encouragement, and has put into place for me a means for me to work towards a future of regaining control over my life, and dealing with my "Demons."    Thank You Tracie for Living your life and coming back into mine, you are truly a Blessing and inspiration to me.   (Tracie, you are such an inspiration for me, not for what you have given me; but for what you are and have given of yourself to others.)