Sunday, July 13, 2014

No Man Is An Island

They say that "No Man Is An Island."  I wonder sometimes if that is not an untruth, of a statement.
You see, I have been writing blogs about my experiences, with no responses from but one person. I am truly grateful for that one response.  However, it seems that I am on an island, by myself; Isolated and alone. 




I have been told that due to my experiences, I am self feeding a sense of  "Hopelessness," and yet, although I know there are others out there, whom have had similar events happen to them; they too reside in a sense of hopelessness, depression, and Isolation.  I suppose that is what God wished for us, to live in hope that there are others to connect with; only to find that they are timid, untrusting, and unable to come to grips that they are not alone.  In effect, those feelings are leaving all of us; "Alone" and "Isolated."


Tonight, I reflect on the journey I undertook, to find peace with myself and my past experiences; both self inflicted, and inflicted upon me by others.  Not really feeling like I am beating myself up, over either; but just sitting in where I find myself today; and where I have came from after my assault.
It's been a very treacherous road, to say the least.


I have found out how to reach out, and to find some glimmer of "hope", from time to time; peaking out from behind a dark veil, of past memories and lack of trust I once had, that now is beginning to lose some grip over me. 


However, I still feel like a stranded traveler.  A marooned passenger, left here by a sinking ship, called "life."  I can see ships passing in the darkness of the night, with passengers waving at me; but the ship still goes about it's route; leaving me behind to fen d for myself and not to allow others to get too close.


I know for those whom have suffered any of what I have, to any degree, you are feeling the same way.  I know that, because I suffered in silence for over 30 plus years; by myself. When someone would try to look in, I would go on the defensive and lash out or run all together to separate myself.


You will never know my reality, nor my pain; as I will never know yours. (nor will I pretend to know.)  But I am here to share with you that although the memories of my attack haunts me still; even after finally opening up to a professional therapist. (A wonderful Therapist and a wonderful friend, whom is also a therapist and a wonderful friend.)


I have fought to trust, in the network I have built; and with the help of my friend, (whom doesn't speak to me anymore,) I have started down a rocky road of finding trust in others again; to the extent I have never known.  In that trust, I have found that there is moments of a "shinning light," I am being told is trust and hope.   But, I had to do something that I never thought I could do; That one thing, opened my eyes, and my heart a little, as well as the biggest of it all; I asked for "Help." and did not stop until I found it.


You know, I am not only encouraged to keep writing my blog for male victims of PTSD, derived from MST; but also now I am speaking to all whom have experienced the horrors of MST, men and women alike.  Despite my original goal; I know through my therapy that all victims, whom have not found a way to become a "Survivor", has suffered injustice and some deep violation of not just their person; but also their soul in a most horrific of ways.


Through my ignorance, and selfishness, I was upset that so much attention has been given to Women who had been victimized; that men were not being given equal billing; in Society.  However true that may be, We who have been assaulted, in the manner which we were; all have their own views of their sufferance's and their losses.  I am not in a position to rob anyone of their claim to what is rightfully theirs;  Their peace of mind, their peace of heart, their peace of life that can not longer be violated and torn away; without their approval.


I still struggle, and I still feel alone.  But because I had an old friend who cared; I found the strength through her, to reach out and find a new friend whom is holding me up when I feel like falling down; who watches my back, when I feel like the world is sneaking up on me; who waves to my island as she passes by and assures me that I will one day come home, away from that Island of being a Victim.


Be strong, not stubborn.  Be optimistically available, and yet be vigilant and let someone know; you need help.  Especially, if you have not done so yet.  You will go through a rough path, at first; but it will be well worth the journey.  Come join me in finding recovery and healing, for all of us.


Take Care and Bless
G.Brents





Saturday, July 12, 2014

I Am Learning



Hello Again, and thank you for joining me in today's post.  I hope that all is well with you and the family. 




I am wishing to share some things that I am learning, to help me recover from and to deal with the stresses and issues associated with my PTSD and MST recovery.  I am in hopes that my story, and previous blog posts, are helpful for you; as well as informative; towards you or your family member getting help from a professional source, to deal with PTSD, and especially MST issues.


I am learning so very much, in regards to myself and my life, since finding my mental health professional.   In fact, she recently gave an opportunity to give back and to "Pay It Forward."
I am honored that she has given me the opportunity and that I am here to accept the project.  As a result, I am learning so much about myself and how to deal with the mal-adjusted ways I have coped with my issues; which stem from my Assault and the nightmare that encompassed the Attack upon me.








You see, when I first found my therapist; I was abusive to her sense of boundaries and not realizing it; I violated any normal senses of inter-personal boundaries that are held highly by others.  I did this, not even realizing what I was doing, and how it might have effected her as well as punishing myself in the process.








She demanded I purchase a book called "Boundaries"; but I never took it seriously and I honestly could not afford to purchase this book; as I live on a very limited income and most of my funds are dedicated to basic living expenses.  Well, as time went on, she held me to consequences of my choices, no matter the motivation of my choices; she had to establish ground rules of contact and enforce them with some heft costs for violation.












I would like to say that the actions I took, and the frequency of my contact with her out of disparity was excessive and was becoming very demanding; on my part.  When she would bring the matter up, to establish a clear boundary, of which we could work mutually and productively, she had to make some of the choices I made to be costly and with some pretty severe consequences, which I will not go into here.










Recently, due to my situation, my therapist gave me an opportunity to do a project with her; that I jumped at with no reservation.  She said it would benefit other clients of hers, whom were not described with any one sort of condition, but in a general setting.








Anyways, upon her purchasing Boundaries for me, to complete her project, I took it and had to read the pages within the cover.  The things I found in that book, was so familiar and so revealing to me; as it pertained to my responses to the various emotional and rational lines, which were being crossed, due to the level of the PTSD I was suffering with.  The words on the pages, brought to life a realization of my lack of proper boundaries; which were both derived from my childhood as well as the assault.






From the date of my assault/attack, I have been always resentful of those whom I tried to let close; as it felt at times they were using my willingness to pacify them and to perform at their requests; only to be personally disappointed at their lack of appreciation of my limitations.  I know that those people did not have any idea of my situation, in it's entirety, nor could they appreciate the impact upon me and my situations, but the ultimate responsibilities I had to myself was defiantly being ignored; by myself.




I was told that being a victim, does not have to define who I am.  And reading some of the materials that were suggested to me by my therapist, has showed me that I could be able to move on to becoming a survivor, and not merely a victim.   But none of the resources, she has put into my hands, Boundaries seems to be the most substantive in making me realize that I have control;  And it's my job and right to exercise that control, instead of giving control over me to others and later becoming resentful of my situation.


Now, yes I have been pushing the topic of this book.  I will let you know, that all of the textual content is Christian based, and seemingly very relevant to a Christian or Christian based living, and is backed with references to scriptural insight.   Unlike most of the other resources, I found that I related more with the textual contents of this book, and to the examples of writings.


I personally think that almost any sufferer of any trauma, who is diagnosed or not diagnosed with PTSD, will find very relevant information within the pages of this book.  I would not have ever imagined that one single book, or writing could impact my efforts towards recovery, as much as this one has.


I will say this much; If I did not believe in its ability to be of help to not only your recover, but to dealing with family and other future relationships; as a PTSD sufferer, I would not have dedicated an entire posting on my blog for it.  Just take the time to click on the highlighted portions of the text, and you will be directed to Amazon, to view the book.. I urge you to not only purchase the book, tonight, but to also purchase and share it with your spouse or significant other.  IT has the potential to help you and your family, in improving your relationship and how you deal with them. 


Have a Good Evening; and I hope if you can trust in my recommendation, that you will view the book and hopefully decide to spend the little bit of money, to purchase it.  I believe with all my heart, it will bring some very startling revelations to you and anyone else who might read it.


Take Care and Be Blessed
Gary Brents.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

For Families Of, Friends Of, Care-Givers Of, Suffers From PTSD Derrived From MST.



I often struggle with the events of my assault in ways that I can not even describe.  From Flashbacks, to Anxiety, Depression, to being disenfranchised from the human race, and let us not forget not feeling like anyone cares and that if they knew; they would treat you like you are infected with the plague; then laugh as they walk away.


Letting go of things, and  connections with people becomes easier as time passes; but on the back side, you long for personal connection with someone besides your service dog or service animal.  Even at times, my service dog gets on my nerves; even when I know he is ultimately here to help me survive daily events and set-backs.


Waking in the mornings, is a chore at best. The pain from the beatings I endured from my assault, plague me daily.  I can not sleep in an elevated bed; so I sleep at night on the floor; atop of a mat to cushion the hard cold floor.  So, when I get up I roll off the mat onto an often cold floor; racked with pain in my back, hips, shoulders, legs and neck.  Every morning is like waking up on a medieval rack, used to stretch out the human body to the point of being torn apart.


when I do wake up; I go into the Head (the restroom) and if I look into the mirror; I see a monster looking back at me; not the person who is supposed to be looking back at me.  You have heard the saying that waking up with that person in the morning, becomes ugly and un-kept and that ogre looking person stares back?  Well, imagine that along with the distorted look of a twisted and blurred out demon; staring at you from inside the mirror.


Now, even after seeking out and being in therapy for four months; my therapist says she is seeing progress.  I have to take her word for it, and keep struggling on until hopefully one day that monster and the pain will subside and the monster I see in the mornings; as well as the pain, will subside.


Trust!  Hmmm.  well, since I have not had a sense of trust or personal connection for over 30 years; Trust comes hard, very hard to say the least.  I mean I am just beginning to trust my therapist; Lord knows I put her through her paces.  The people she has placed on my side; well, I am starting to feel like because of my therapist; I am trying to trust but verify everything they are claiming to be doing on my behalf; but there are not one connection so far. (I am not one who relies on hope; but working on this one as well.)


Well, My therapist tells me that I need to fulfill my basic needs; which by the way are supposed to be basic needs of any healthy human being; I am being told.  you know; housing, security, companionship, and something else.  this list is short, but resides in something called "Maslins hierarchy of needs"   Since issues of these called needs; keeps rearing up into my therapy sessions and distracting from my recovery; my therapists decided that we need to stabilize my life.  Okay; let's give it a chance, and try to trust in the processes.


Well, I have been told that I have accomplished more in three or four weeks than most folks are able to do in one or two years.  with the help of my therapist and connections; we have started my claim process with the help of an attorney, to go after my VA benefits.  We have found a place for me to call home, we have secured other much needed assistance to help me maintain and to give me a stepping stone to move forward.


Now, I have found that even with all this going on; everyone around me is excited for me.  I should be as well.  I have a seemingly terrific support network with the agencies and the attorneys who are working with me to build and take control of my life; and lest me forget the most important of that network; my Therapist who has been awesome to say the least.  She has been my "Rock" when all the ground around me has seemingly been filled with quick-sand.  I also have to give special recognition to people who have unselfishly allowed me access to utilize them as a personal support network; who are friends from my childhood, whom have crossed paths with me from time to time up to this point in my life.  For them I am very Blessed.


A lot of the things I am in process of building the stepping stones, towards a productive and rewarding life; something I have never known.  A stable home, which I have not known in over 33 years; since my assault.  Everyone who knows what has been going on, in my life is excited and thrilled about what is going on, in my life and what I have accomplished thus far.   However, with all that has happened; I have learned not to trust in anything or any process or progression to last.  Therefore I do not and can not attach myself emotionally to anyone, or anything. This remains to this day; but I am trying to re-learn.  I am trying so hard, and often end up frustrated with myself.


The reasoning for my sharing of this is to show those who love people, whom have suffered with PTSD, and Chronically Severe PTSD from MST, can understand a bit more of what sufferers are going through.  To help you understand the processes of which suffers like me deal with daily, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, etc...  I think the point can be inferred here.


Now, the above is an actual account of what my life is like.  However, as a Family Member, Care Giver of, Friend of someone who is suffering from PTSD derived from MST, you might be able to better see where your loved one's mind may be resting or living.  This is meant to allow you a window of the daily turmoil that your loved one is going through.  Although their habits may be difficult, for you to deal with at times; please take a deep breathe and focus on the fact that what you are going through; is intensified over 100x's with the sufferer you love.


I hope at minimum, This gives you insight enough for you to appreciate the reasons for their sometimes and sometimes often sense of disconnect; lack of emotions, lack of trust, lack of personal connections, lack of appreciation for accomplishments they achieved.  It's not that they do not appreciate all that is given, or all that is shared, or all that is gained materially and gained ground in their lives.


I just want to give insight at what seemingly helps me the most, in my struggles.  It sometimes goes further than medications, and allows me to focus on what is "here and now." Which helps with the flashbacks and the anxieties.


This is a Biggie:   Just re-assure your loved one, that they are safe and away from the place where their trauma occurred.   Let them know you love and care about them, and do not come into direct contact with them; at the onset of any episode.


Let them know that no matter what they say; or how disorganized their ranting is; get them to slow their breathing and to focus on something in the room that allows them to see what is happening now.


Here is another Biggie!  Just listen and don't judge them for what may spew out; no matter how much it may lead them to say things that are attacking of you or others you care about; just realize they are venting and frustrated.  In most cases, what is flowing is not based on a personal attack upon you; but just something to get the flow of the venting stages towards getting the deeper issues out; so they can be processed.  In other words, go into this with "thick Skin" if possible and don't let their seemingly harsh attack; set you into a conflict of words based on your feeling like you have to protect yourself.


In the end; and with practice with both of you, a deeper bond will develop with you and your loved one who is suffering.


I hope this helps you, help your loved one; who suffers from PTSD and especially a PTSD sufferer from MST.


Be Blessed, I know I am. 

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Remembering The Past

I am brought to a point where, A man who served his country, was revered.  Although I was raised through the Viet Nam Era, and served through the Post Viet Nam war era, I had served three years in the Air Force, during what was called "Post War" Vietnam Era.  I never say military action during the war in Vietnam.  I have however, conducted may interviews while in college, with War Time Vietnam Veterans, whom served in Country.


I recall tales, by Veterans whom served during the actual conflict, which was unjustly re-classified as a Policing Action, and not a war time consideration. (A travesty to say the least, as we lost a lot of good men and had many good people in the wake of injury; both mentally and physically.


Although I have served, in the era of the Vietnam conflict, I feel somewhat disgraced that I had not seen action, in what I consider to be amongst the most honorable of wars, conflicts and Policing actions, we as Americans have had the task of participating in.  I am often harboring a wealth of respect for those who had served during that conflict as well as the most recent conflicts in Afghanistan and in Iraq.


I also have been fighting another war, which was remnants of an action or series of actions, which had caused me to become disabled and functionally unable to pursue the career which helped me deal with the effects of my service to the United States, while in the Air Force.  Even if it was Peace-time, I feel like I have been fighting my battle for over 33 years, in silence and all alone.


Now, I am not going to go further into my service, my ailments, nor my woes alone; as the item of note, far extends beyond my needs, wants or situation alone.  However I will not a somewhat detailed summary of my situation, is documented in the archives of this blog; if you feel like taking some time to read the archived notes, and posts of my blog.


Recently, we have seen the Government show disgust in the Veteran's Administration of support, service and assistance, given to Veteran's of all Conflicts between the Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan conflicts.   Supposedly, the military and the Obama Cabinet, has been bragging about services supposedly now available to current Military Veterans, as well as Veterans of prior military actions.


Now, my interests lie within the walls and confines of Military Sexual Assault, Military Rape, which is going unpunished or inadequately researched and reported over the years.  My blog is not to ignore the impact on Female Victims of Sexual Assault/Rape; however since there is a huge disparity in reporting of rape and sexual misconduct with male victims, in relation to those claims by women of Sexual misconduct. 


I departed the military in 1983.  I returned home, under questionable circumstances, and when I arrived, I paid a visit to the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Long Beach, CA.  I became all to  familiar with the delays for help and treatment, which were much worse than those reports by the government would have most believe.


Since I returned and since my time in various states, through out the United States, I have heard horror stories of time delays and deaths due to the Veteran's Administration's unwillingness to complete and pursue medical attention to those who were among the walking dead.  (I refer to the Walking Dead, to note more that there are people who are left with scars of war and peace time violence, who are not getting the assistance; thus causing them to suffer silently.)


Today, I heard that a head Administrator for the Veteran's Administration Health Care system, had tendered his resignation, based on allegations that he did not do enough to correct problems within the Veterans Administration and their handling of Claims for medical assistance and disability.

Back in the early 80's, I attended College to try and make a life for myself; after being beaten up while in the service of my country.  I was seeking out a finance degree, which I finally completed back in the 90's...  I was told two things and found at least one, to be true.


1.  If you wish to become wealthy, open a Church.


2. If you wish to get help, stay away from the Governmental Agencies to get you there. (later to find that the person who shared this one with me, was a Vietnam Veteran.)


Now, in current news headlines, I am seeing a man being forced to retire and tender his resignation, based on the Veteran's Administration, lack of ability to hire, maintain and serve Veterans ailments and medical needs. 


I have to say, that although it does not surprise me that our Government is dragging their heels in getting the health care system with in the Veteran's Administration, where it should be and would be deemed as acceptable.  What bothers me, in all of this mess that the Government is sweeping the Veteran's Administrations lack of utilizing trained personnel, to administer aid, medical assistance and medical mental health assistance to Veteran's who served our country.


Now some time ago, I would say about six or eight months ago, the Government held hearings and later handed out directives that such services be available to all victims of military based crimes; which were committed against military personnel by Military Personnel, Rape/Sexual Assault, and war time injuries with more vigor.


The problem is, that since I can recall the norm is not a norm for sexual abuse/ or sexual assault victims, nor adequate medical or mental health for War-Time sufferers of PTSD, is not even adequate.  Let's look at untrained or inadequately trained personnel, trying to help PTSD and medically challenging injuries.


I think my knowledge, as it relates to War Time Veterans suffering from injury to both mental and physical aspects of their bodies;  The Veteran's Administration has at minimum, discounted the importance of time, when addressing an issue.    Time is not on the Veteran's side, when seeking out help for what ever the ailment they suffer from


Now, in current time, the United States Government is holding accountable, a man who served his country, who is by all of my research a model soldier, who has been put into place as Head Administrator of the Veteran's Administration, accountable for past results (or lack thereof), within the Veteran's Administration.


Now, it has been my experience, that in any Governmental Agency, in any branch of Governmental body, or agency over-seen by the Federal Government, changes come every four or six years.  Now, you may disagree, but normally during a change of administration of a given entity, it takes the first four years for the newly appointed administrator to get a glimpse and idea of what needs to and can be changed.  It takes approximately the fifth or sixth year to get new policy in force and about the next two years to get the new policy to start becoming effective.  Even under Congressional and Senate over-sight, this has been historically the pattern that is followed and plays out.


Now, I am not necessarily a supporter of the new Administrator of the Veteran's Administration.  However, he is being used as a "Scape-Goat" for all the prior failures of service, on hand in regards to the VA's Medical and Mental Health services.


As of this moment, there are no specialists or services, to address Male sexual assault, or Male Sexual Rape Victimization.   As of this moment, the services that are being offered is based on the norm of "Male on Female" Sexual Assault and Sexual Rape cases.  However, it has been noted by the VA themselves and male Victims, that the programs that are in tact for Male on Male Sexual Assault is the same as the Male on Female programs.


It must be noted, that although either sex victimization is very serious; Male Sexual Assault and Male on Male Sexual Rape, can be more devastating than a Rape of  a female victim.   I wish not to discount the effects upon any Female whom has suffered the trauma of Sexual Assualt/Rape.  Please do not believe that is my opinion.

However, in contrast to the Female Rape Victim, the Male victim has primarily Egoistical issues and Social Psychological issues that come into play.  Sexual Identity, Sexual Preference questioning, Self Doubts, Depression based on the prior issues, to include some added insult to the Rape or attack, that would be suffered by the female.  These issues are societies pressures that are applied to men, as the stronger sex; which has been in existence since the "Caveman Times."


However, if a man were to approach the Veteran's Administration, in effort to deal with the matters at hand, they are considered Weak, their attack is discounted and in some cases (as in mine) minimized by blame shifting, to include that the victim has for some reason, asked for such treatment by the attacker.  There is no "Due Process" in most cases, as most Sexual Assault Victims whom are male, often suffer in Silence.  I suffered in Silence for over 30 years.


Now, although this is not only on the sexual assault victim populace, but it also includes the medically needed services, needed by Veteran's of Foreign Wars, such as Vietnam, Iraq and also Afghanistan campaigns.


I am sure most have heard of the potential 40 plus Veterans whom died after being put off, by the Veteran's Administration, to schedule routine procedures.  Although horrific, the Veterans Administration and the Department of Defense has discounted the events, tremendously to mute bad publicity.


Every day, thousands of Veterans are scheduled out to over 30 days for basic services, on average.  The same procedures that are sought after by public health care providers, are mandated to be within a more reasonable time frame, via HEPA policies.  Why should the Veteran's Administrative health care system be held to a higher standard?  I affirm that my belief is that it, the Veterans Administration, should be held to a higher standard of care, than the public standards.


It is funny that in the Military Sector, Air Craft has multiple redundancies to ensure safe operation and safe return of Military personnel.  It is notable that Public transportation Air Traffic systems and requirements, have only two or less redundancies  for safety.   Why are the same number of redundancies in tact, for the Sufferers of War time Injuries and mental health concerns follow the same pattern of redundancy count?


Personally, I feel the resignation of the current Veteran's Administration's Chief, is no more than the President Obama denial of responsibility and putting the Administration's failures and short-comings, onto the back of a man who has served his post a limited amount of time, to save the political parties face, for the up-coming running for the Presidency, and due to Coward-ness on part of the President.























Sunday, April 27, 2014

It's Not My Fault. The Attack Was At The Hands Of Others, But Also Is Recovery.


I don't know about being a good writer, nor being the next Hemmingway.  I just know I have a tale to tell. I am upset with the level of efficiency within the VA. and the folks who fail to perform their duties, and to fulfill their obligations to Veterans, who serve and protect our Citizens on a daily basis, or whom have served in that capacity. 

I am neither brave, nor am I courageous, in what I have been doing or in anything I have ever done in life.  I just don't want anyone to suffer the impact of being put in the situations I have been in... I don't want anyone to have to search out help, that is currently not available through the Veteran's Administration, nor do I wish to have anyone suffer the disappointments of being turned away from an agency that was designed to help Veterans, whom have served their country.

If you are trying to decide on whether or not to file a claim, through the Veteran's Administration, you are in fact heading down a long and arduous path.  Especially on a claim for PTSD and/or PTSD related to Military Sexual Assault.  here are some things you will want to have with you, when you begin your claim.

This information was found at the website located at:  

 The VA has also relaxed the evidentiary requirements necessary to validate a claim. Claims-rating specialists now look for “markers” that indicate a specified traumatic event. These can include:
  • Records from law enforcement authorities, rape crisis centers, mental health counseling centers, hospitals or physicians
  • Relationship issues, such as divorce
  • Pregnancy tests or tests for sexually transmitted diseases
  • Statements from family members, roommates, fellow service members, clergy members or counselors
  • Requests for transfer to another military duty assignment
  • Deterioration in work performance
  • Substance abuse
  • Episodes of depression, panic attacks or anxiety without an identifiable cause
  • Unexplained economic or social behavioral changes
  • Sexual  dysfunction.


Now, these are the basics of what I am hearing, that is required for a good chance of approval on your claim(s).. However, who knows how long or how much of a standard this will be and for how long it will or will not be the standard..  

According to the website, cited above, the Veterans Affairs is supposed to be relaxing the burden of proof, required to prove MST and related PSTD, suffered by Veterans.. However, the site suggests that reviews of previously declined claims, can be reviewed for approval, under the supposedly new guidelines.

A Friend of mine stated something to me, in passing, that I should submit a statement.  The fact is; is that the statement she suggested, was very true and a matter of fact.

"I have no issues with family members, as I have no family members."  This not only will work with Friends, as well as with family members.   It is funny, that only someone who has suffered as I have, by means of my own Assault, but also the PTSD which had been carried in silence for over 30 years.
 
Recently, however, I can start to say that is slowly changing into a more positive outlook.  Since my breaking my silence and seeking help, I have realized that connections with others are slowly coming about.   And I am beginning to be thankful for the issues, which come along with those connections.

Now, I know the Veteran's Affairs and Mental Health programs, not to forget the medical programs, are lacking to say the least.  However, if that is all you have; Utilize that and get your claims started.  Most importantly, get someone on your side and take a stand for what is rightfully yours;  Your Life and Happiness.

I am slowly coming to know that the attack that took so much from me, is and was not my fault.  There was nothing I could do, to prevent it or to thwart it.  It was in the hands of others, not mine.  Well surviving the attack also is in your hands, but will require a huge amount of assistance which is outside of your hands.                                                                                                                                                                                                             If you decide to go to the Veterans Administration for assistance, and I strongly suggest doing so, you will probably want to seek out a Veteran's Claims Specialist, through your local American Legion, or through the VA clinic's in your area.  They will be most valuable in packaging your claim, for submission, as they know the guidelines of what is expected through the VA claim processes.


It is neither my fault that the attack on my person occurred.  Nor was the attack within my hands.  It was at the hands of others whom I have no control over.  With that being said, I must also say that Recovery, or moving from victim to Survivor, is in your hands and others whom are being supportive in the right and proper manner and in the proper settings.


I pray for your recovery and for your finding your new life, being all you ever hoped for.  I also pray for your regaining your self-respect and self identity, which you can be proud of.


There is help out there for anyone whom can just swallow their pride, pull up their sleeves, and just muster the courage to ask for help..  Believe me, I never asked for help and always tried to tackle life on my own, with out ever knowing how to ask.  But when I did finally ask for help, I was surprised on who all came to my aide.


Good Luck and Bless..

Veteran's Administration, Disrespecting Our Veteran's and Thier Sacrifices.



There seems to be no shortage, of those Veterans, whom have died needlessly due to delays of the help, both medically and mentally.  All of us know that Veterans sacrifice their minds, bodies and souls while in service, of our country.  Even in non-combative eras, Our Veterans are separated from familiarity of family, friends, and still selflessly give their allegiance towards the safety, the soundness and the serenity, of all citizens of the United States; both abroad and here in the States.


I know that I do not have to point out, nor can I adequately cover the immenseness of sufferance, nor the depth of the services that our Veterans give; no matter which era, or what war they did or did not serve.  The fact that they downed the United States Military Uniform, should speak volumes about our Veterans, and the selfless efforts they have contributed towards the institution of Freedom, and the safety of our Country.


With all said, it is our duty; including the duty of our veterans, to be there for our Veterans whom are coming out from active service and to support the Veterans whom have been out, dealing with injury and hardships.   As a Veteran, I feel that all Current Veterans and all of the Veterans to come; are owed the dedication to our safety and our health; and yes the support from our Governmental Agencies.


Now, as it was back when I came from service of our great nation, the Governmental Agencies have been fast to turn Veterans away, or delay such services which were designed to assist Veterans with easier migration, back into society.  More specifically, the lack-luster way that the Veterans Administration has handled medical and mental health claims, has been nothing short of shameful and disrespectful to our Veterans and their families.


Last week, I believe, It was brought to light that 40 Veterans had lost their lives, due to delays in Medically needed services.  These same delays, will not surprisingly be rewarded by bonuses to the Veteran Administrative authority, within the facility and network management/Commanders.


IT is not uncommon for basic testing to take up to 5 or 6 months (if not longer), to find a diagnosis or to treat an already pre-existing condition.  It is not uncommon for disruption of services, to lower over-head and to accommodate lack of trained personnel availability issues.  By unjustifiably denying services, or delaying services, the Veteran Administration can then report less money being spent during a fiscal year reporting period.


Is one to believe that those deaths, in Phoenix, AZ. are an isolated issue.  I Submit that it is not even the tip of the proverbial ice-burg.  It may be that the matter occurred during a short period of time; and has been reported into the news agencies, to draw attention to the matter.  However, it is far from being the strange and uncommon facts of truth, that has existed for as long as I can recall; and probably since a lot farther back than that.


Yes, since the leak which was reported by a Veterans Affairs Service Worker, whom was assigned to that particular facility.  However, the matter extends beyond this one incident. It is an ongoing event that holds Veteran's lives, in the balance while the "Bean Counters" and Administrative bodies play a Sick game of Monopoly with our Veteran's and their families lives and safety.


They, whom ever "They are" decided that Senator McCain and other Governmental representatives, needed to make a public speech or two.  To discuss their distain. their dissention and their disgust at the matter.. 


Now, I have to put emphasis on the sentence just proceeding this note.


So, Senator McCain, who is a multiple time Veteran and POW, who supposedly is the outspoken spokesperson in the governmental body, for Veterans and for our Troops is speaking NOW on how amazed and upset he is at the matter that cost those 40 lives.   However, he has known of the Veteran's Administration's Medical and Mental Health shortcomings, since he came back from Viet Nam Campaigns of service, where he served our Nation.


Yes, I am picking on Senator McCain; and maybe it is unwarranted to some extent.  I know the matter at hand, goes beyond him and any one person; unless of course, you are the Commander of the individual Veterans Administration Medical/Mental Health facility who is getting a bonus for short falling services, to our Nation's Heroes.   (Let it be said, all whom have served, are Heroes.)


So, what is the solution?  I have not the answer. However, in the realm of helping all forms of aid to all Veterans, should see significant improvement.  I suppose that any sort of assistance, to anyone Veteran will be all too late coming and probably will be all to late to help those families whom have lost family members.   What Catches my eye, is that with this "Whistle-blower" coming forward and making such a "Stink" with the Media, it will probably only cause a "blip" on the radar in our Government no matter how many Senator John McCain's there are, who are all of the sudden willing to address the matter.









Sunday, April 13, 2014

You Can Never Understand

I have been writing this blog, for over six months.  I have addressed some issues and the lacking nature of agencies, Rape Crisis Agencies, and our Government's lacking discipline to properly address the lack of training.  Lack of training, lack of asset allocations, lack of interests, while putting out the pretense that they  are trying to address Male MST/PTSD Veteran survivors.


I have taken most of my time addressing issues that I deal with on a daily basis, and things I am doing to find assistance for my Issues, concerning PTSD and the MST I suffered, during my Military Service.    I know that I have spent most of these six months addressing this aspect of my life, for a reason.


Now, you may not be an actual victim of Military Sexual Trauma, or suffering PTSD.  You see, it's not whether or not you actually have suffered the direct attack, or the direct impact of the trauma that someone else has suffered to be effected.  A loved one, a neighbor, a friend, a family member, who has suffered through these aspects of the trauma, needs to have others around them to ask questions, to identify cues and hints, to not just brush mild displays of depression, anxiety, anger, rage, or other mental issues, to lend a hand.


Reading through my blogs, of both present and past, can give you some sort of indications that someone is in need of help.  But just because they, themselves may claim they are fine, it can seriously rub off onto an innocent by-stander, who is close to the person, whom is suffering.  Reaching out for assistance, even for yourself, to empower yourself to cope with the stresses, can mean the differences between the longevity of any relationship.


Personally, I have suffered the losses of two marriages and the loss of family members, friends and missed opportunities, due to my own mental health issues and due to the fact that the Military and Veteran's Administration had and has turned their backs on me.  I hid all of the issues by pushing the ones closest to me away. withholding emotions and trust and even commitment, all in the name of my injuries and the sufferance's of my Sexual Assault, and the beatings I endured.


Reaching out, is not something to be ashamed of.  Realizing that you need help finding yourself, or helping someone find themselves, through therapy of some sort, may not be welcomed at first.  However, after the initial shock of admitting there is a problem and seeking out help for yourself or a loved one, the rewards are tremendous.


I used to push help away in several ways, but mostly by becoming very defensive towards anyone who asserted my need for help.  I had the attitude that if no one had suffered what I had, they would not ever be able to understand.  If someone could not understand, how can they help me?  I personally am in the process of realizing that the person who is helping you, does not have to understand, to be of assistance to you, or your loved one.  It is the other person who can help you, or your loved one whom is suffering, understand the issue enough to file away the matter.  By properly addressing the issues at hand, the sufferer is capable to move past the individual sticking points of the trauma (s), and the attack itself.


As features come available to me, through my own journey  into understanding my pain and the various facets of my traumas, I will share the progress and the set backs.  I will be trying to integrate the short comings and the progress professionals are taking, to address Our issues.  I will try to share with you, both good and bad points, as I see them, and let you decide your own points of interest.


But the main thing of all this, is that if you have a friend, a neighbor, a family member or other loved one is suffering in silence; help them help themselves without becoming consumed into the trauma yourself.( IF possible.)   Looking back on my past, I see where my wife (wives), have suffered as I did and am.  I was so caught up in hiding my pain, that I failed to recognize their pain and therefore brought relationships to their ends.


So, from this point I am working towards doing more research on my posts, towards education of both my readership and myself, on the progress of our military, our Government, and the Veterans Administration, in preparing their staff towards addressing and properly treating the needs of our veterans.  From time to time, I will also be looking at civilian efforts in addressing male sexual assault, as well.


If you wish to contact me, or reach out to me, please leave a comment asking for me to contact you.  IF you are a someone who is looking for help, you can reach out to me, and I will try and assist you in finding help, as best as I can.  IF you have questions, please reach out to me and I will try  to answer your concerns.  However, if you are questioning my qualification, or my being capable of understanding, please take time to read previous posts of mine, and then make a decision.  But in either case, please reach out to someone.  DON"T SUFFER IN SILENCE.