Friday, December 6, 2013

Are We, As Victim's, Responsible?

It's early morning, here in California, still dark outside and traffic is buzzing outside of my living room window, as morning traffic speeds by.  I am sitting almost completely in the dark, with just a candle and the screen from my ipad, glowing in the stillness of my newly acquired apartment.   As I too started to get ready for work, I had to pause and make this entry into my posts..  Please do not ask why this came to my mind, only that it did and I felt the urge and urgency to post this.

I, like so many others who served in the military, am a victim of Sexual Assault.  I suffered that victimization, while in service to my Great Country.  I have over the years and even at the time, after my brutal attack, am angry at the world and most definitely at the military and my attackers.  What I have shared thus far, within my posts, is only the surface of both the events during the attack and the events afterwards.  I have primarily addressed emotions and experiences with you and not the detail of the actual attack.  I am not yet ready to ride that horse down the parade grounds, yet.

However, My attentions go to accountability and personal morals.  Both as a citizen of this world and of my community; and how the sufferance of my attack contributes to decisions and my accountability of my decisions and actions, upon others around me.  Yes, I am a victim.  I am not in the mindset that I am a survivor of anything, but a student of my own life.

So many times, I hear and read stories of those whom perform an act, commit a crime upon someone else; and when being held accountable, they use their victimization as an excuse to shrug or powder coat their actions or contributions to the events.  All the while, others suffer and those folks go out feeling justified for what they did, and their part in what ever act they were detained for.

Although our own victimization has casted damages upon us to bear for the rest of our lives, we are still accountable for every thought and every action we commit.  Even if those actions  cause the ill fate or ill feelings of others around us.  It is unacceptable to me, to see someone who was victimized, to lash out in some form and not understand that one day, they will be held to answer, regardless of their thought processes.

We as victims, know that we lose a stitch of feelings, a stitch of emotion and we have alienated others due to trust issues and I can go on and on about this.  However, we are still accountable for how we handle the feelings and emotions, the safety of, and the general ideas of others around us, not to mention the actions we take against others as well.

We made the choices, due to our being hurt, to isolate ourselves for what ever reason.  Consciously or subconsciously, we all as victims have made those choices.  Primarily due to some sort of self preservation thing, or what ever.  IN most cases, as in mine, I am finding that the primary vocalized reason is because no one would understand, or would be able to relate to me.  I have also heard the reasoning being that I am damaged goods.  I can completely relate to both of these, because I feel them both and Also, I can relate completely with I can not allow anyone around, because I have trust issues.

There Is No License, Given To Us;

Being a victim also means that we are given some basic rights.  A right to pursue and attempt to cure the cause of our victimization.  It gives us the rights to exercise our actions of rather to get close to others.  It gives us an authoritative right to become vocal, about the crimes or wrongs that have been brought to our lives, and to warn others of what could happen to them; despite their denials.  IT does not give us a License, however, to go and extract revenge, or to harm others in the process of our lives and then to hide behind the fact that it was stemming from our victimization.

All too often people need help, in order to deal with their pain and anguish.  There is not any thing that can be denied us, in that vein.   However, it is also our responsibility to those around us, to ensure that we  are not the cause of collateral damages to them or their property.  It is incumbent
upon victims, to acknowledge that since we may feel no one will or does understand what we had endured, we must keep in mind that by our inflicting pain and anguish to equal ours, is also not understandable; nor acceptable.. There is no reasons for anyone to inflict the sort of harm that was done to us, as victims.

Are We Responsible?

Are we responsible for what had or has happened to us?  NO!  However we are, as victims, responsible to others concerning our actions and aggressions.   Although it may be true, that our victimization may have direct influences upon our decisions, it is also worthy of reflection upon how we felt when what ever act was committed upon us; Prior to our lashing out with anger or passion towards another innocent person.

Although we are not responsible, for what happened, we are in like kind responsible to ourselves and others, to ensure their safety; even when we feel no one can relate to our position and our lives since a traumatic event.

As a victim, and survivor of any crime; we are also responsible to do everything within our existence, to reach out and ensure that justice for someone else is sought after and achieved, to the best of our ability.  We would have liked for that to have occurred, in our instance, as well.  But since it may not have, due to our own silence, or just due to the mechanics of the Laws,  We are responsible to ensure that justice is sought after, on behalf of other innocent people who are being victimized.

Final Thought:

Although I am a victim of what I perceived as the worst thing on this earth, which could have occurred, it is my responsibility to speak out, on your behalf and on the behalf of others who may become victims, to do everything in my power to help them avoid the horror,, I felt and experienced.

I submit, it is also every other victim's responsibility to reach out and fight for those new victims, not to reach out to create new victims..

Take Care Of Yourselves, and Bless

Have A Happy Holiday Season.